Long overdue - the one about a BOLT driver

 

“When you’ve experienced different partners, you are less likely to cheat when you get married.”

 

I heard this some years back, with details of - when you’ve had quite a number of “sexual” partners before marriage, you are less likely to cheat when you finally get married because there’s nothing new or different that you’re looking for outside - because you have “tasted” all and now you’ve decided to settle with one, nothing is new to you. I discarded this theory because I thought it was just an excuse to live wild, and I felt the people who said it just like sex and stuff... Some days back, I received a more detailed lecture on this topic by a BOLT driver. You know how most of them get flirty, so I told this guy that I was getting married soon. That was how this uncle delivered half an hour of a lecture that I did not ask for. I allowed him to talk ooh, even though I knew his end game was just to get with me “most.

 

Uncle first spoke about how getting married early can negatively affect one’s marriage. He said, imagine you just finished school and you get married - without taking out time to enjoy yourself? His definition of enjoyment was going out to parties, spending weekends at your boyfriend’s house, drinking and stuff...not entirely bad but very shallow. He said that by jumping into marriage without having experienced all these; you will be intrigued and attracted to others outside, hence the likelihood of cheating in marriage. Especially in a situation where your husband travels and you decide to hang out with friends and you meet someone new - someone of the opposite sex. You’re liking this attention and you allow the company beyond mere friendship - more like you start having sex with this new someone. You’re exposed to a new and different type of love and a “better” mode of expression of this love (uncle even added lick you here and there); then you get emotionally attached to this new person. The reason being that you’re naive and just jumped into marriage without having experienced “enjoyment” before getting married.

 

Already extremely irritated; I asked this uncle,” so what if you’ve actually passed through this phase of “enjoyment” before getting married, your husband is not around and you are just longing for that sexual experience and you decide to get it elsewhere?” Then he said, it will be a case of casual sex with no feelings attached.

 

*Ah ah; I’m not sure it’s the same topic that me and this uncle are talking about now ooh because either way, it’s still cheating. This must be a really confused fellow who is clueless about how to get me to comot pant for him😒*

 

The whole point and genesis of the gist is how to reduce or completely stop cheating in marriage abi, or reasons why we shouldn’t get married too early?... cause right now I’m lost.

 

So, I shared my experience and opinions with a friend, and she told me that I had the choice not to entertain such conversations. Well, I did and it was the actual worst. She said there’s a good point to his story, but not in the way he put it. In her opinion, this “enjoyment” leaves you wanting more.... but still, she wouldn’t advise anyone to get into marriage too early. She explained that if she had gotten married immediately after school - worst-case scenario, after secondary school; the marriage wouldn’t have worked out well. This is because; with age and time, there is more self-awareness with more intentional specifications about who you are as a person and the kind of partner you will want to settle with. She believes that at that time, she wouldn’t have chosen well, considering the WOMAN she is today. This is a better angle to uncle’s point of not getting married too early, and in this line, I agree.

 

My anger now is not in the story uncle used to explain his theory, but I am angry with the theory itself. “Having experienced different-sex partners before marriage will reduce the likelihood of cheating in marriage”. Like how doesn’t it work?? It doesn’t add up at all.

 

It happens to me a lot; when I see a fine boy and I’m like ‘awwww.... he’s soo fine and all’. The more you accommodate these thoughts, they are likely to become sexual, and it is a conscious choice for you to decide to act on them whether you’re single or not or whether you have experienced different-sex partners before.

 

My point here is that “cheating” is a thing of the mind and it is not based on what you have experienced or not experienced. Cheating a conscious choice, although might be greatly influenced by other things. No experience whatsoever stops a person from cheating in marriage. It is a self-made decision that mostly results from a lack of self-discipline. I get that some people are raped which is very sad - but cheating is more than just having sex outside marriage. It is more of a conscious decision to be attached to someone who is not your spouse (whether it be emotionally or sexually).

I get that people make up flimsy excuses not to own up to mistakes and wrong actions, but this theory is just trash - in my opinion. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it makes no sense at all. If you want to be wild, cheat, and be badly behaved, just do it with your full chest. Or better still, make good decisions and choices and you wouldn't have to use this damaged umbrella of an excuse. People choose to cheat - it is not a mistake. 

*Disclaimer - this is not about marriage, it's about how cheating on your partner is more than just a mistake but a conscious choice.

Thank you for listening 😂