Today's the day I take my own life.

It's not as dark a secret in our contemporary habitat, I mean I've sat in church beside people who have paid their dues and have walked naked in rain of hot coal. I only did the world a favour - well, if it'd let me. Joy and purpose had become a faded memory. Not even you could make me want to stay. There's absolutely no place for me in this revolving sphere.

"Today's the day I take my own life" those words flowed with ease because it felt like everything was coming to a good end. I soaked in the lie of not giving myself to anyone or anything. When I finally pulled the trigger of this gun of contempt, there was this passing wave of peace. I could have sworn that I experienced heaven. 

So, the gun takes my life but not my body. It felt so empowering to leave what housed heaviness and grief, but my soul was now wandering. Yes, I killed myself and that's why I wear this tattoo of a teardrop - how else would I live by representation. I took a life that was perfectly crafted with flaws and feelings and attempted to replace it with selfishness. I didn't feel good or worthy and I didn't want to give anyone a chance to make me feel any different. 

"Today's the day I take my own life" my wandering spirit now speaks these words with desire. Desire to take its life back and give it to purpose. To rid of selfpity, contempt, and sorrow. My spirit sought happiness, fulfillment, and thrill. It could have it all and so it took the life back to the body. 

I take my life from fear and give it to Faith. I take my life from contempt and give it to commendation. I take my life from sorrow and give it to satisfaction. I reckon that I was given to this world as a matter of necessity, and I require to seize my space. Often, these bullets as thoughts will seek me, find me, and attempt to shroud my light. But I reckon yet again, that fire will consume from within if not allowed expression. 

"Today's the day I take my own life" and subdue it to purpose. It's every bit of brokenness that kneels here seeking to be preserved, and I surrender at the glimpse of mercy.