You can share your grief.

Woman; Grief is not an individual weight. You can share your grief. You don't have to carry it alone, it's too heavy for you alone to carry.

You know how I don't like to be told what to do and I don't like to talk about the things that fight against my peace, my joy, and my hope. So, I argued hesitantly, 'I'm not grieving. Nobody died'. 

Woman; But these feelings that you are feeling, are they not feelings of extreme sadness, pain, regret, and suffering? (Collins Dictionary). Feelings that have come from your trapped dreams, difficult friendships, hard life as you put it, and the list goes on.

Me; Well, in that case, I guess you can say I am truly carrying grief.

……

Up until I had my suppressed grief erupt in my face in the middle of my ‘best life’, I never realized how heavy the weight was and, in all honesty, I never even knew I was carrying any weight. There were millions of times that Jesus, with outstretched arms, would say to me ‘Allow me to carry this weight for you.’ And I would tell Him that I didn’t have any weight and I was just overthinking what was not.

I’m not one to tell you that I’m sad, scared, unhappy, or even worried. I would always convince myself that these feelings were either made-up feelings or better still, feelings that needed to be in passing – to be felt briefly and given no thought.

This time around I watched myself break without pause, and when I found myself forcing the belief that the less you pay it any attention, the more it fades. This time around it was fading into my everyday life, and it became so difficult to get by. I was constantly wondering out loud what was wrong with me and why I was suddenly running mad. Then I came to a sudden and compulsory pause. You best believe that I initially fought against it so hard because as usual ‘I am fine’.

I hit this wall and watched the parched pieces of my life scatter across the room, and I let out a screech. Finding my words again, I focused them on Jesus ‘please help me! Please take this grief, for it is beyond me'... and He did, even more.

I tried talking it out, but most importantly I had to admit to myself my feelings and my triggers. You need to acknowledge what you feel – sadness, pain, suffering, regret, misery…. And then you decide if speaking to someone or doing physical activities will share the weight. I also had to learn that sharing my grief doesn’t necessarily take the feelings away, but it makes it a weight that is carriable. A weight that is shared is lighter, and you don’t cave into loneliness because you’re literally sharing this ‘negative’ feeling with someone else. You might be in a dark hole, but at least you're not alone. 

Grief is not an individual weight. God gave us the gift of people for such a time as this. Let the people who love you (and you love as well) hold the many ends of your grief and carry it with you. Let Jesus especially, shoulder this weight that you think is your nemesis. Grief is not a load to hide or be ashamed of, no matter what it appears to be. Grief is a human feeling that strongly attracts another human divine feeling – love.

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; He saves those who have lost all hope.

Grief does not exist as a one-man function, my darling you can share your grief. You should share your grief. Whatever grief says to you is a lie that you can defeat when you let someone else hold the other end. And maybe grief is playing mind games on you like it did me. Telling me that I was fine, and I did not need to hold on to a passing feeling. Or maybe grief is coming at you head-on, and in wailing or isolation, you’re still losing.

My first instinct is to tell it to God – in an unfiltered outburst if you may. And when you can put words to it, you can share your grief. Don’t allow grief to take what it could never give, don’t allow grief the illusion of a win.

I pray for the courage to recognize our grief and the strength to share it with another shoulder. With Jesus, you can just put it all on His shoulder and He is more than happy to take on all that weight for you. It’s in the dynamics of His goodness and He understands. 

Your grief is not your cross. You can share your grief.